Better Than Muggle Telly
by mandapaaanduh
Summary: James got a camcorder for Christmas from his mum and da. Remus and Sirius were left alone for the Christmas hols. James claims that these two are much more entertaining than any muggle telly he's ever seen. SBRL James-POV


**Disclaimer**: We all know I don't own _**Harry Potter**_, J.K. Rowling does, so we'll just leave it at that. I do not get paid for the publication, so to speak, of this fanfiction... Though, I really wish I did... -stares at empty wallet-

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**Better Than Muggle Telly**

When Pete and I left for the Christmas hols, I bet you my broomstick that Moony and Padfoot were whooping up a party at our absence. Those two lovesick dogs hadn't gotten any alone time since we found out about them, so my guess is that they used this time wisely.

"By wisely, you mean shagging on any solid surface they could find?" Pete questioned off-handedly, struggling to haul his suitcase down the hall to Gryffindor Tower. It surprised me that ole' Wormtail could talk about our best mates-- who both happened to be male --shagging while he can't so much as _think_ about kissing a girl without blushing.

"That's exactly what I mean, Wormtail." I lolled my head from side to side, humming a muggle holiday tune that sounded vaguely like a cross between "Jingle Bells" and "God Rest Ye' Merry Gentlemen."

Most of our other house mates-- from third year and younger --avoided the many portraits chirping their well-wishes and idle greetings. Pete and I took them in stride, strolling up to the Fat Lady with wide, holiday satisfied grins.

"Good evening dear Lady, and how was your holiday? Oh, and _Gillyweed_." I hastily added the tower's password, bowing my head delightedly as the Fat Lady swung open.

"Quiet without you boys, Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew. Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black have been unusually quiet these past few days as well..." She trailed off when I let out a raucous laugh, waving off the comment and cutting across the Common Room with Peter in tow. We dragged our trunks up the spiral stairs before we were graced with the familiar sight of our dormitory doors. Propping my trunk up against the wall, I rummaged through my rucksack and pulled out a clunky, black piece of plastic. Peter eyed it bemusedly and I shook the device.

"My mum and da gave it to me for Christmas. Called it a camcorder. They said that all I had to do was press this button," I clicked a silver button into place, "Turn this lever," I twirled the handled bit of plastic and a whirring sound came from the camcorder, "And I can record things. You know, like on the muggle tellys." Wormtail stared in awe, both hands still clutching the handle of his suitcase. I placed a finger to my lips, telling him to keep it quiet before I silently turned the knob of the dormitory door.

I made no noise as I opened the door, slowly and stealthily, like a true Marauder. Poking the camcorder in first, I scanned the room through the lens, looking for our precious Remmie and Siri. Peter peeked over my shoulder, struggling to keep his breathing to a minimum. All too quickly, we found Sirius and Remus in the middle of the dorm. Guess they hadn't noticed us yet. Sirius had his hands fisted in Remus's shirt collar and was kissing the top of Moony's head, his mane of golden hair tickling my best mate's nose. Sirius snuffled and whispered things into Remus's ear, making him blush. Turning back to Wormtail, I pantomimed gagging before returning to the scene before me.

This would surely be a video for the telly.

"Siri," There he goes, with that nickname again, "James and Peter are coming back. Just because they're okay with us, doesn't mean that they'll tolerate us consummating all over the dorm." Though he protested, Remus's hands were still fisted in Sirius's own shirt collar as our dear Padfoot popped the first few buttons of Moony's shirt out of their loops.

Peter snickered behind me. He and I knew very well what those two did while we weren't around-- we knew equally as well exactly _where _they did it. Which is why Pete and I end our day with the routine _Scourgify _to all linen, bedposts and powder room stalls.

Without responding, Sirius pushed the pressed cotton off of his little Remmie's shoulder, showering butterfly kisses to the scarred nose and temple, his lips.

"Let them see." Sirius's stormy eyes slid to Peter and I still standing in the doorway beyond the cover of the door. He was staring dead at my camcorder and I knew we were caught, "They seem to enjoy watching us." Then Remus joined him in staring at the door, now thrown open. A rather skittish Pettigrew cowered behind me, but I still kept the camcorder focused on Remus and Sirius.

"Well, well, well, we seem to have caught Messieurs Moony and Padfoot in a rather compromising situation. What do you have to say to that?" Remus barely squeaked and I continued cranking the lever, keeping the film rolling as I circled my other Marauders. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remmie's waist, pulling him closer. Remus dug his face into Sirius's chest out of sheer embarrassment. Peter hauled our trunk's into the room and closed the door, leaning against the wood frame and watching the play, amused.

In response to my question, Sirius lifted Moony's chin, snogging him animatedly while I left the crank spinning. Oh yes, a video for the history books.

The werewolf flushed and eyed the camera warily. He pulled at the collar of his shirt, hands shaking as he carefully buttoned up his shirt, "Is that thing actually recording us?"

Glasses sliding down my nose, I stared at the pair over the lenses. What would be the best answer for today...?

I smirked. Honesty is, after all, the best policy.

"Yes. Yes it is, Moony." With an startled yelp, Remus tore himself from Sirius's arms and had me dashing across the room, camcorder held high, "You'll never get it, Mr. Moony!"

"I believe I will, or you'll be deer meat." He launched himself over Pete's bed and I scrambled for the door. Sirius was collapsed on his bed, laughing that loud, bark-like laugh and Pete joined him, clutching his stomach like he was about to bust a rather important internal organ.

Remus never did find my camcorder. I hid it in a safe place, where he wouldn't even think to look.

I bet Lily and the other girls are having fun replaying that video right about now.

And, regrettably so, I was not turned into deer meat.

But I was subjected to an extremely loud make-out session.

My virgin ears.

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... I don't know...

... I really don't...

... But you gotta admit...

It was funny. XD

**PETER IS NOT STUPID**! **UGH**! Leave the poor boy alone.

Oh, and I know jack about how James got a muggle camcorder to work in the wizarding world. Umm... **MAGIC**!

_mandaxface_


End file.
